i love accidental penises.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize