Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
