Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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