6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
