Cold hands, warm shart.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
