and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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