my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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