i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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