halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
