I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
