I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
last night I used snow as a chaser
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
