im about as happy as oj after his trial
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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