Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
