the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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