Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
