All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
