i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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