Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
