we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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