i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
sex in a hospital.. check
I am one with the molecules
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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