No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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