when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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