The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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