...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize