That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
