My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I FOUND THE LEGS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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