Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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