I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
