Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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