U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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