Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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