a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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