rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
