I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
