there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
