We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
