And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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