do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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