wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
