I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
