There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is my gift to your gina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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