Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the day after is always just damage control
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
