We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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