I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
