what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
