All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
