What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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