Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize