I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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