I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
