and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im part way to drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
