then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
