Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
