he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize