Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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