Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
