Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
