I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
