I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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