I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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