I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize