Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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