so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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