I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
