Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize