The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
