she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
