I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
