I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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