i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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